then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize