I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
