I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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