the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
