I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
