did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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