Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
