Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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