they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
