You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I party with great urgency now.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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