I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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