Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
