i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
