I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
