I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
