You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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