dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
