Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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