I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize