u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize