...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
