Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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