I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize