We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
