TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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