Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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