No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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