Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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