I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize