This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize