My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You can't motorboat a personality
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
