My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
