Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
