What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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