Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
