this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I smell like Dick and happiness
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
