I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize