I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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