it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
