remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
