Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
