She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
