I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he fucked my hip out of place.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
