There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
this is an emotional support booty call
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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