THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
