Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
