You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
so much tequila, so little girl.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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