also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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