I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
