when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
