I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize