hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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