you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
