My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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