I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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