P.S. I can't hear my feet
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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