If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
