this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
