There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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