You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
