you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
