Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
