In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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