i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
