New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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