I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
