woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
