so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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