Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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