nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
