If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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