We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
