Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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