she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We just shotgunned beers for America
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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