she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
