I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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