Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize