Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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