She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
