i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
