My sheets look like a crime scene.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
