My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize