If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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