Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
