stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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