cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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