I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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